I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You're like the curious george of whores
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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