ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
