billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
