i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
