Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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