My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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