it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
