I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
