I just made out with a guy for $7.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
