its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh god it's open bar.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
