I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
