I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
