do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
