I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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