you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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