theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
