we have pet lesbian snakes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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