I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
