I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
