This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
