if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
another moral hangover. fuck.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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