Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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