Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
