my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
