8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
