We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
