I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
