there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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