I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
