just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
