I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I want is dick and wine.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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