Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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