just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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