I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
