i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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