It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
