Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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