If that was your dad, he is hot
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
