I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
