when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
