i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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