I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
from now on my penis is your penis
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
