so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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