Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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