I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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