I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Mom said you looked used
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
