She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
