He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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