i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So much rum. So many feels.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
