I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
