Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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