What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
